Just a short post today as I am traveling across the country . A lot of parents think that paying children an allowance in exchange for duties like chores helps teach them about money and work and all that. It's a great idea ... except for a little side-effect: It totally demotivates kids to do chores.
Psychology research tells us that rewards are both highly motivating and highly demotivating. What? Perfecting Dad, you're being a clown here. Write with sense. Ok. Here goes.
When Rewards Don't Motivate
Rewards don't motivate when they aren't related to the quality of the outcome. If you pay someone simply to do something then it turns out that they become less likely to do that activity on their own. One study, testing how children could be motivated to draw, showed that when children were given a reward simply for drawing they actually reduced their frequency of drawing. Even when they enjoyed drawing before, once they knew they would be paid to produce a drawing then they did not spontaneously draw when they knew they wouldn't be paid. What does this mean? If you pay your children for chores then you are inadvertently teaching you kids not to do chores unless they are paid. They will naturally become demotivated, which is probably the opposite of what you want. By the way, this works on everyone including adults. One of the surest ways to stop someone from liking something is to pay them for it.
How To Use Rewards Properly
There are two ways to use rewards to teach or motivate:
- As feedback, rewards give information and encouragement if given when the child improves. Once the child masters a skill, the reward is not longer warranted. This will help the child quickly learn skills such as talking, writing, walking, etc.
- To be a motivator, rewards much be given sparingly and without predictability. If you want your child to say "Please" and "Thank You" then you reward them randomly, say, every tenth or so time. This will strongly increase motivation to be polite instead of decreasing motivation and limiting politeness to only when you are around to say "Good Boy"
Critically, you should never reward for merely "showing up". This is exactly what payment for chores is: Guaranteed reward for going through motions regardless of whether the child learned or improved. Therefore, you'll get much better motivation if you don't regularly pay for chores but provide surprise "Thank You's" instead.
Comments
I believe in what you said
I believe in what you said here...
Our kids have chores and they do not get paid for doing them. However, when they take it upon themself to go above and beyond, we [sometimes] reward them for that behavior.
We've tried the chores/alloance thing and it didn't work for us. The kids would do a bunch of chores for the sole purpose of making money, but would fall off of their chores after they were able to buy the toy they wanted. So, we just made their chores mandatory and if they want to earn extra money, they have to do so by completing some type of project we assign to them...or, when they go above and beyond they know that they might get rewarded.
Good stuff sir!
That's how I would do it.
That's how I would do it. Basic chores just a fact of life, not a paid job :) We're not over-intense with the chores either. Like the kids aren't working all weekend and evening scrubbing floors. I remember with my parents, we were always up in the backyard doing endless hours of yardwork more weekends. For me, those are bad memories! Thanks for the comment!
Very interesting! I grew up
Very interesting! I grew up in a family where chores were rewarded by allowance, and I can completely see your point. My brother, sister and I lost all motivation unless money was involved. I'll have to keep that in mind ;-)
I was surprised by the study
I was surprised by the study too, but it makes sense. It's not like chores will ever be fun, but many parents use them as an opportunity to learn about earning money for work, which makes chores something to be optimized. Kids begin to want to do the minimum effort for the most money. Eventually they might demand raises and promotions, unionize, call the labour board, that kind of thing :). Thanks for the comment!
I don't agree with rewards.
I don't agree with rewards.
But that doesn't mean I don't give them. Sometimes they really work! We are ambivalent about allowance in exchange for chores. But it does teach them a little bit about money - however i agree w. you, they should just be motivated to chip in for the family's sake. Sometimes I do bribe my little one with a prize to do violin practice. Other rewards I don't agree w. but do because it's easier are "points" games (usually for violin practice) and a hug for good sportsmanship if one child loses a board game (rare, but it happens...) We are in Montessori and one thing I love about it is that they don't reward kids with grades, gold stars, parties etc. - the reward is in the act of learning in and of itself, and pride. I wish I could figure out how to translate that Montessori stuff into the home environment, but I am too inconsistent. (-:
Anyway thanks for this post. I'm all inconsistent w. the whole rewards thing. A good topic.
If you're not paying children
If you're not paying children for chores, how will you teach them how to manage their limited budget? (I'm not disagreeing; I'm just curious.) The best way to teach children money management is by giving them a limited amount of money that they can allocate for spending now (candy) and saving for a big purchase (like a new video game, etc.) But you don't want to just hand them money each week for simply existing. How do you devise a way to "pay" them?
My preferred way is to gift
My preferred way is to gift them money, get them a job (that's not already part of their regular duties like chores) or teach them how to run a business.
For jobs: If the parents have a business then the child can do little tasks for money just like the parents
For business: Lemonade stand, return the household bottles to the depot for deposit, garage sale, etc.
Usually though, I just gift them money. If they occasionally do a great thing, then I will give them money or a budget at the store as a reward. It isn't a payment for services rendered, it's a gift or reward.
Also, they get money from grandparents and other family.
I'm not advocating them getting no money, just describing the demotivational effects of paying for chores like they were employment. Thanks for commenting. I'm open to suggestions too, and will be swinging by your blog because you probably have suggestions on this too!
My parents tried paying us
My parents tried paying us (my older sister and I) for doing various chores, but it didn't work out so well. I think it would've worked if that had been our only source of income. Unfortunately for my parents, we also had grandparents who loved to spoil us and were perfectly happy to give us lots of cash at birthdays and Christmas. Result - we were totally unmotivated to help around the house as kids, because we had all the money we needed to buy the toys we wanted.
So - especially as we got older, my parents rescinded the money-for-chores policy, and tried to instill in us a willingness to be a contributing member of the family by helping out around the house. I think by then it was too late, though, because we had come to expect rewards for doing chores and didn't see any reason to do them otherwise. This became the major point of contention between my dad and me in my teenage years.
The good news is, I try to make up for it now by helping out around their house when my husband and I go to visit. So, I guess maybe I turned out okay after all. :)
A perfect example Meditating
A perfect example Meditating Mom. You were so rich after awhile that you didn't need to do chores to make money :) Therefore you didn't do them. That's exactly what happens all the time when you pay someone. It becomes a job.
I really prefer money as gifts, or money earned by the kids as a result of their own initiatives. Money can be a reward, but it has to be tied to achievement not just doing a plain old job. For example, if you cleaned your room for the first time as a child, I might say "Awesome, I want to take you to the store and buy you something because I'm so proud of the great job you did." Then next time you clean your room, no reward. But maybe if you take out the trash for the first time, another reward. Maybe if you did something without being told, then another reward. You throw out the rewards sporadically, unpredictably, and only for an excellent job. Then they become motivators and teachers. And doesn't have to be money, most of the time it's just a huge "thank-you" or "you're awesome". That way the child really feels, in her heart, that her efforts are appreciated and contributing. When it's merely pay every time then the child is trading work for money and it seems fair to decide not to do the work if she doesn't want the money.
Thank you so much for the comment. I'm heading on over to your site to check you out!
"throw out the rewards
"throw out the rewards sporadically, unpredictably, and only for an excellent job." -- I like that! That's a much better way of rewarding chores than a simple task-completion-for-money exchange.
It reminds me a little bit of my adult life as an entrepreneur: you don't get rewarded just for completing a task; you get rewarded for doing an ultra-excellent job, and even then, the reward is sporadic, unpredictable.
And ... are you motivated?
And ... are you motivated? Seems like it. It is also the way to drive behaviours in animal training as well. We all respond to that kind of environment very readily. Thank you for visiting, and appreciate the comment!
So true!
So true!
My parents did the "reward" system, and as a result my sister and I weren't really motivated to do anything unless there was some kind of surprise waiting for us. I think the random system you recommend is much better, and I plan to keep this in mind for when I have children of my own - and share it with my sister for my little niece and nephew!! :)
@}----Rosie
Works with dogs and humans
Works with dogs and humans alike :) Thank you for the comment (and the three others!).
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